Oh! Carroll

Newcastle fans are famous for lots of things - drinking, supporting the club through thin and thin and terrific away support, but one of the underrated talents we possess is the ability to churn out some real hit terrace songs. We have the old standards of course; the "Blaydon Races" (seldom sung with the correct lyrics), "Untitled" (it goes, "An N and an E and a wubbleyoo C...") along with "Geordie Boot Boys" and "Drunk & disorderly" which are amongst my personal favourites, despite the somewhat passé references to hooligan tendencies. Whilst these are to name but a few, Newcastle fans are definitely there or thereabouts when it comes to getting new terrace songs into the domain. Indeed it was Supermac who described our song writing as "clever" and "inventive" when, on his United debut, the chorus of Superstar (from "Jesus Christ Superstar") rang out around St James' Park as he completed his hat-trick. Only it wasn't Jesus who was the superstar on this occasion.

Up and down the land countless nursery rhymes, advertisement jingles, pop songs and even hymns have been adopted and adapted for maximum terrace effect, whether it's to support the team or mock the opposition. "Hark now here" is almost a perennial terrace Christmas carol, though the modified refrain, "because of New Year's Day", points at the New Year's Day home derby wins of both 1980 and 1985 rather than anything traditionally festive. Fast forward to these days and "Oh Coloccini" - a re-writing of the chorus of Frankie Valli's 1967 hit, "Can't take my eyes off you" - illustrates not only the invention of whoever it was who thought of it, but also the desire to reach beyond the safety of tried and tested melodies. But, we always need a distinctive song for our number 9. Undeterred by the extra syllable, the Andy Cole song (when he gets the ball he scores a goal) is now bestowed on Andy Carroll and that's great. Originally a hit for Boney M, although actually an adaptation of an old ditty first published in 1880 called "Polly Wolly Doodle", it does however seem a little lazy. Recycling's great, but Andy Carroll deserves something different.

So, here's my submission for a fresh Andy Carroll song, based on Neil Sedaka's 1958 hit, "Oh! Carol":-

"Oh Carroll! Nolan, Timmy Krul;
Shola I love you, you're better than Raul;
Oh Carroll! You made the mackems cry;
but if you leave me, I will surely die.

Carroll will you go and score another!
Nolan, Timmy Krul;
Shola I love you, you're better than Raul;
Oh Carroll! You made the mackems cry;
but if you leave me, I will surely die.

Repeat to fade, as they say in the business...