Random World Cup Observations #2

If ever the dreamy eyed teens of the world needed a wake up call on Ronaldo it came tonight live on BBC1. Aside from his poor performance against Spain in the 2nd round game this evening, Ronaldo reinforced what a petulant child and sore loser he really is. We see these antics regularly when he plays for Man Ure (not necessarily defeat so much but on occasions he isn’t awarded a free-kick let’s say) but on this world stage he reached fresh depths. Spitting at the cameraman? Pathetic. Viva Espana!

World Cup Second Round: Oh, hello Germany - what a pleasure again!

It had to happen sooner or later - England face Germany in the World Cup second round. Come 3pm on Sunday, roads will be quiet, pubs will be packed and a nation will expect. In the meantime, the usual rhetoric is doing the rounds. Playful, yet often bordering on the xenophobic, the banter goes some way to stir excitement but does little to cement Anglo-Deutsch relations.

Our European brothers and sisters are often the butt of many a joke, whether it's to do with a supposed sense of humour deficiency or context-less world history references, but this Sunday is about football. Besides, I think Germany, and Germans, should be our friends. After all, we owe them much.

Look no further than some of the German words that have enriched popular English language. We have all felt some schadenfreude during this World Cup - the early exits of France and Italy stand as stark, supporting evidence. There'll be feelings of angst amongst many if Sunday's result doesn't go the right way. Okay, anxiety, is probably a better word but then I start running the risk of watering down my point. Hopefully you can see where I'm going with this - I was going to mention, doppelganger, poltergeist and masochism (insert your own joke here) but I'm starting to drift.

What about some of the world's most important inventions? It's more than likely that come Monday morning and needing to drive to work with a sore head, I'll be popping a couple of asprin, driving my Volkswagen car (consuming diesel) whilst listening to Led Zeppelin. All German creations - well, okay Led Zeppelin were from Birmingham but the zeppelin is a German invention. And, I couldn't imagine listening to Led Balloon on the way to work.

It would be downright irresponsible of me not to celebrate Germany for providing us with Düsseldorf as the illustrious backdrop to the first series of Auf Wiedershen, Pet. Okay, the building site was in Borehamwood and they went on location to Hamburg to film other 'German' scenes but we all believed it and at the time I couldn't help wishing I lived in that wooden hut too.

Indeed the city of Hamburg has a lot to be proud of. Some of the most important aspects of British culture wouldn't have developed but for the Hamburg effect (see Auf Pet, above). In the early '60s The Beatles cut their teeth as hardened performers, assumed their famous haircuts and got hooked on pills all whilst in Hamburg. They even recorded versions of ...She loves you“ and ...I want to hold your hand“ in German to remain close to their German fan-base. Outside of the Reeperbahn, Kevin Keegan displayed some of his best haircuts whilst playing for SV.

Furthermore, Germany has produced some of the world's finest classical composers. More recently, without Kraftwerk it’s arguable that Joy Division & New Order wouldn’t have been invented, and they also proved that Soft Cell & Ultravox weren’t entirely “our fault”. Even the legendary Ian Dury and the Blockheads were moved to include some German lyrics in their classic, ...Hit me with your rhythm stick“.

Famous for their planning and ruthless efficiency, only the Germans could leverage these qualities to enhance their drinking experiences. So the stereotype goes, it seems they've identified that glasses with a capacity of one pint simply aren't enough. So they make glasses big enough for four pints. Genius - less trips to the bar and so, more time with Freunde to drink & work on those comedy routines.

Film culture isn't exempt either. Take Run Lola Run - a film where ...a young woman in Germany has twenty minutes to find and bring 100,000 Deutschmarks to her boyfriend before he robs a supermarket“ (thanks IMDB). Who could have thought a film starring a sweaty, German, flame haired girl running around for 80 minutes could be so entertaining? In all seriousness, I think it's a great film.

German cars are very popular too and you don't need me to explain why this is the case. But, and without us even realising, we are showing incredible respect to the German car industry right here, right now. All over England's roads we see Audis, Volkswagens, even Mercedes cars, flying England flags - the ultimate olive branch.

So, whilst Franz Beckenbauer continues to have his neck firmly wound in the ...out“ position, I prefer to assume a solitary yet firm footing on my very own high ground. To celebrate Germany is to become at one with Germany. To become at one with Germany is to step into the psyche of all Germans - even to become Germany. Only then can we step forth into Sunday with confidence, smile when we hear the words, ...penalty“ and ...shootout“, and have no outcome in mind other than a decisive victory and progression into the last eight.

Even if you can't agree, rise above the usual red-top oratory and keep schtum. Sing for England and focus your energy on a scintillating game of football and a positive result.

England 1 Germany 0. Gerrard. 65th minute. Header. Wunderbar.

Can't beat a bit of cashing in ;-)

The World Cup so far : My two penneth

This World Cup is officially brilliant! Yes, the goals per game ratio is low and there have been some less than thrilling games in the opening round but it’s the World Cup, people! Besides, the opening set of games in each group is supposed to be cautious and cagey, right? Well, history tends to prove otherwise but I’m willing to accept a trend bucking tournament.

 I feel it’s a shame to be critical of such an event. The Olympics struggles to keep my attention for the most part yet I still marvel at the sheer spectacle of the world’s finest athletes (and archers) gathering to demonstrate ultimately that the USA remain unparallelled when it comes to funding sport. Even the Winter Olympics - 86 different ways to slide on ice/snow - has its merits. In a way.

 Let’s face it, World Cups don’t come around too often. This is only the 7th World Cup of my life that I’ve truly been able to enjoy, the first being Espana ‘82. I was too young to enjoy 1974 and 1978, and England’s failure to quality rendered the 1994 tournament as a mere kick-about. Come to think of it, England didn’t qualify in ‘74 or ‘78 either, but I digress.

 Yes, I love this tournament and I’m going to marry it. The fact it’s being hosted, more or less, in our time-zone is a huge plus. There felt something wrong with having to set an alarm so I didn’t miss Michael Owen sticking one past Brazil in 2002. Some of the games are on whilst most people are at work but you do what you can to keep in touch.

 The tournament’s not without its drama and controversy either. Starting with Henry’s handball in the qualification play-off game which left Ireland sitting at home (get over it guys - we’ve put 1986 behind us…). What about the tear gas and steward demonstrations over the £1.50 an hour salary they are reportedly receiving? Or Robbie Earle’s ticket touting scandal, further contributing to ITV's continuing catalogue of miserable involvement in tournament coverage. Of course, it wouldn’t be a modern World Cup without arbitrary criticism of the new offical match ball. I’m sure I heard someone comment that it was, “too round”.

 Then there’s the vuvuzela - criticism of which has been almost as monotonous as the much maligned fan trumpet itself. In all honesty I like them, so much so that I have the “Vuvuzela 2010” app on my iPhone. I really think a World Cup tournament should have an unusual sonic backdrop. In 1982 there were air horns parping away in the background as Bryan Robson netted against France after only 27 seconds. I only wish our commentators could deliver their commentary over shaky phone lines as they did in the old days. It used to give the viewer a sense that the match was being played on the moon. But then, maybe I yearn too much for the days of yore - the Adidas Tango and Kevin Keegan.

 Perhaps, the World Cup is what you make it. At home I have a wallchart in the kitchen and I’m taking part in various fantasy football/predictions games. Keeping in touch with various blogs, endless fantastic banter on my Twitter feed and, of course, watching as much live action as I possibly can. To many England's involvement is paramount. We all live in hope that England remain in the competition right up until the moment the trophy is presented on July 11^th and for many, myself included probably, interest in the tournament may wane somewhat, should we exit prematurely.

 Whilst I feel many are unjustified in their criticism of the quality of football on display, I can sympathise. When a game comes up, we get all excited, check our fantasy teams and sit back demanding to be entertained. After all, these are the best players in the world. Forty five minutes later, with no goals and Gary Lineker rolling his eyes we feel a bit cheated. No instant gratification and I buy that. But, I put to you this. As we approach the completion of the first round of games, the groups are beautifully poised. On form alone, only Germany look a safe bet to romp through to the last sixteen whilst the rest of the groups are finely balanced. It's as if the teams are playing an elaborate game of chess, merely sussing each other out before making a run for it as the group stage comes to a close.

 Anyway, what's not to love? I love the way the ball is ceremonially plucked from a podium by the referee as the teams enter the fray, the way the official tournament mascot looks like an incredibly suggestive Thundercat and even the way ITV never fail to make a mockery out of themselves.

 It's the greatest show on earth & ultimately the tournament may yield a surprise winner. To shamefully mis-quote Gil Scott-Heron, the revolution WILL be televised.

For more inane ramblings feel free to follow me on Twitter @NewcastleDavey“ alternatively:-

To join in the predictions game in Twitter, follow @TOTTfanzine and send them your predictions for each game on a daily basis.

For more thought provoking (and better written) comment, and actual experiences from South Africa, check out George Caulkin’s excellent blog: http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/george_caulkin/index.html

Random World Cup Observations #1

Whenever I hear of World Cup games being played in Pretoria, it always reminds me of the micro-nation, Petoria, created by Peter Griffin in an episode of Family Guy. Following the discovery of a zoning error, which meant his house was technically not part of the US, Peter made his land his own country and created Petoria, in July 2000. After having his gas and electricity cut off, being denied access to United States and with his yard permanently surrounded by the US Army, Petoria was repatriated about a week later for ‘practical reasons’.
Have Cameroon equalised yet…?

The World Cup so far : group stage ramblings

See - the World Cup is great!

As we entering into the second set of games in the group stages, both excitement and relief is taking over from impatience and apathy, at last. Frustrated appraisals such as, "the World Cup's shit“ and complaints of boredom are dwindling, and they're being replaced by renewed optimism. Do we all agree now that the World Cup's great? Good.

We now have open play and attacking football. The goals are flowing. And, significantly we have some welcome surprises on the cards. In their opening game, Spain reminded me of a peacock who would spend all day parading its pretty colours only to be shot in the head by a sniper. Or something. They blew it and in the process they demonstrated how important it is to take one's chances. Dilly dally at your peril, and so on.

The dark side of the World Cup is rearing its beautiful head. The form book has done little more than confirm what we already knew. Yeah, Spain, Germany and Argentina are good value for winning the World Cup yet Spain lost their opening game and, as I write, Germany have just lost 1-0 to Serbia. As well as Spain's group H, group D has turned on its head and is anyone's for the taking.

My faith in the World Cup was never in doubt and without reserve, I promise you it’ll only get better. As the nation prepares for England’s second game tonight (hopefully the team will be following suit) only a win will appease the naturally our critical nature. Fingers crossed.

ps. France look to be pretty much out of the tournament. Oh dear…