Tuesday, 26 October 2010

New adventures in trainspotting: goal nets

I know I'm not alone in enjoying a good goal at a match, and I'm also sure I'm not alone in feeling that a large part of the excitement of a goal being scored is how the goal and net interact with the ball is it passes over the line. Regardless of the approach play involved, balls that go in off the post or bar, strike some support structure within the goal and either nestle sweetly or bounce back out somehow seem better goals than those which merely cross the line or disappear within a billowing net bag. Alas, the times they are a-changing. Or to be more accurate, they already have changed.

The football goal, is functional yet beautiful and iconic. Oft nicknamed the "onion bag", the football goal is the focal point of either end of a football pitch and without them, the game wouldn't be the same - for that matter, neither would Aberdeen FC's club crest which depicts the side profile of a traditional goal post with a ball in the centre to form an "A". They deserve to be considered stylish and recognised for the part they play in the game, indeed, how they can define a football ground. But, they've never been the same since the mid-80s when the advent of the "box profile net" began to take hold - the 1986 World Cup in Mexico heralding the future of goal nets, although they did make an appearance at the games in the 1974 World Cup in West Germany.

Boxy McBox
With no inner support structures and with cord stretching from the top of each post to a support pole a few yards behind to support the netting, they're another example of how stale the game has become these days. The box net (left) basically provides four faces of a rectangular cuboid of goal net. Exciting at first - something new - but almost too functional to be cool and they don't make for the spectacular finishes described earlier. Fast forward thirty or so years and you now find them at almost every league ground - even some non-league grounds - reacting like a large string vest flouncing around on a washing line on receipt of a thirty yard screamer. And this is the trouble I have, with both the style of net, and the fact they're everywhere. Box nets do of course have their advantages - crisp in appearance and no stanchions to confuse referees - less chance of balls bouncing back out of the goal as if they may have hit the post - but at the same time I feel they're just a bit too clinical.

Wembley's classic long arm, in 1987
The classic styles from yesteryear appear to be long gone. Wembley along with others replaced their long standing 'long arm' stanchion goals for Euro '96 and the elbow loops of countless goals eventually succumbed. Before long, the characterful, shallow and tight backed goal nets of QPR, Southampton, Luton and Liverpool were no more. Slowly but surely, tens of league grounds' goalposts across the country relinquished their charm. In addition, stadia across the land lost part of their charm too.

Varying forms of traditional stanchion can lay claim to being, in some part, responsible for some of the most spectacular goals ever scored. In 1981, loop stanchions gave us Trevor Brooking's memorable England goal, his left footed strike wedging itself in the loop stanchion almost giving the goalkeeper a walk of shame to pluck the ball from the top of the goal. Two years earlier, Glenn Hoddle's screamer at White Hart Lane took full advantage of what I'd call, "a proper goal net".

St James' Park's loops in the '80s
Between the 1960s and mid 1990s, the goals at St James' Park hadn't changed much, elbow loop stanchions with white netting the design of choice on Tyneside. They weren't the most exciting goal post in the world but they contributed to some memorable and spectacular finishes. In 1988, Paul Gascoigne scored a screamer at the Gallowgate end against Crystal Palace in the FA Cup - the ball clipping the underside of the bar and bobbling in the loop. In fact, he pretty much repeated the feat in the next round at home to Swindon with a sublime, placed shot into the top corner (30 seconds in), and of course, we must mention Malcolm MacDonald's debut goal -the first of his debut hat-trick - at home to Liverpool in '71 which was placed right in the top corner. Beautiful.

"...it's a goal, it's a lovely goal..."
Reach further back in history, and abroad, for a weird and wonderful world of outlandish goal nets. In 1969, Newcastle United's visit to Hungary for the second leg of the Fairs Cup final is a fond memory for any Newcastle fan - for me, the stripey goal posts were as incredible as the result. Ben Arentoft's 50th minute equaliser reacted well with the fairly taught net and back poles as he reeled away, and as Newcastle grasped European success.

The Azteca Stadium hints at the future in 1970 
Check out World Cup highlights from the 70s and you'll find more examples of the unusual yet wonderful goal designs, and how they contributed to the aesthetic of some spectacular and memorable goals. The 1970 final hinted at what was to come although they still had the decency to retain horizontal support poles above the net.

There are many more examples and I'm sure you'll all have your favourites but if I had one, somewhat superficial, wish for the future of football, it would be that the design of goals in grounds can once again be more freehand. That they can reform their own expressions and augment the aesthetic of the 'spectacular finish'. That thirty yards screamers can rediscover the benefit of "hitting the top corner" and more importantly, that stadia up and down the country can once again be recognised by the shape of their onion bags.

Monday, 25 October 2010

The discourse community of football

"Football's just a branch of science", so sang the theme tune of 'Jossy's Giants', but in a broad sense it could also lend a hand to the study of humanities.

Brian Moore's head
For some time, it has occurred to me that school pupils should be actively encouraged to study football as part of their English lessons. Football's rich lexicon has a lot to offer in terms of boosting an impressionable child's vocabulary. Indeed I recall being able to understand almost all of what Brian Moore and Barry Davies used to tell me whilst still at primary school - everything but the latter's evident dislike for my team. I understood that St James' Park's East Stand was designed with a cantilever roof, and I knew what that meant. European football coverage delivered the concept of aggregate scores as well as away goals, although I never did understand why commentators would insist that away goals counted double (they don't).

Clive Allen complaining
My introduction to watching football live, in a football ground was in the very early '80s. The concept of separating opposing fans inside the ground had been introduced and quickly I gained an understanding of the word segregation, meanwhile even the technical term for the humble goal net support structure also entered my vocabulary. Whilst playing for Crystal Palace in 1980, Clive Allen's sublime free-kick rebounded out of the goal and back into play. The referee, thinking the ball had struck the post, waved play on and during the protests, Clive can be clearly be seen screaming about the ball hitting the stanchion.

The scope for encouraging learning through football isn't restricted to just the development of English language skills but I think it's an example of how football can be used in education by leveraging a child's enthusiasm for something exciting, fun and not traditionally associated with learning. By bringing the world of football to the classroom, just think, subconsciously a child of eight or nine can begin to gain a healthy exposure to other words such as:

association, substitute, infringement, equalise, advantage, misconduct, caution, ricochet, erratic, disciplinary, suspension, abandoned, concession

As 'Half Man Half Biscuit' once said, "Apart from on commentary, where else on earth can you hear the word aplomb being used?"

Monday, 18 October 2010

Match tweets: Newcastle United v Wigan Athletic

  1. 2-2 recovery doesn't paper over the cracks in this appalling #NUFCdisplay. #Wigan can count themselves unlucky if a little careless.
  2. My tweets today have been somewhat after the event... Bloody crap signal inside SJP meant I had to keep retrying.
  3. Late 2-2!!!! Coloccini :-) #NUFC #match
  4. New escape hatch in the Gallowgate? #NUFC http://yfrog.com/n9gtpmj
  5. Shola transforms SJP from a cauldron of moaners and suddenly we have an exciting last 15 #NUFC #match
  6. Out of the blue, shola on his Segway pulls one back with a header following a great Jonas cross #NUFC #match
  7. Tiote a class apart again trying to drive a poor #NUFC side. Like Lewis Hamilton driving a Vauxhall Viva... #match
  8. Incredibly, Zog rifles a 2nd past Krul & makes it two to Wigan. Whooda though it'd be Perch's mark who has damaged us...#NUFC #match
  9. Poor marking and as if scripted, Zog the frog loops a header beyond the reach of Krul - 1-0 to Wigan #NUFC #match
  10. v. Wigan (@ St James' Park w/ 9 others) http://4sq.com/8w3Qzr

Sunday, 17 October 2010

Jesus saves, but Coloccini heads home the rebound

God delivers the half time team talk, yesterday
Half time at St James' Park and Newcastle United - two goals down at the hands of Wigan Athletic - trudge back to the dressing rooms for a catch-up meeting with the gaffer. Meanwhile, sections of the crowd in the Gallowgate end find amusement from what appeared to be 'a sign' - a thick shaft of light beams down onto the crowd, making its way slowly across various sections of the fans on the east side of the ground, as if to cast a blessing on the Geordie faithful. It seems a panel or door on the side of the Gallowgate had been left open - possibly by the workmen who painted Mike Ashley's 'tag' on the roof - but whilst fans scratched their heads and pondered a poor first half, it looked like the 'man upstairs' was delivering a beam of hope for the second half.

Sure enough, forty five minutes later - despite referee Pontious Halsey's continued hinderance - disciples Ameobi and Coloccini combine to rescue a point. Hallelujah indeed.

Friday, 15 October 2010

Pumpkin madness

2007: "I want to play a game"
Yeah, I've been taking Halloween very seriously lately - perhaps too seriously - but not being one to shirk a creative challenge, in recent years I've been attempting to raise the bar in my own field of pumpkin carving.

2008: "Howay the lads"
Cautiously, I've been using Halloween as a something of a smokescreen in an attempt to mask this particularly geeky side of me. That said, it's not easy to procure pumpkins at any other time of year. My early carvings are not worth mentioning - a man, Eric, with circular eyes and a circular mouth (thanks apple corer) was a particular low point but thanks to the once popular practice of circulating amusing jpegs by e-mail, I gained my inspiration.

2008: "Come Together"

Who could forget the cleverly staged scene depicting a pumpkin spewing its insides down some steps. In an instant, the humble, custom of carving a face in the side of a seasonal fruit turned on its head and suddenly, I became intrigued and inspired.

2009: "Aye aye captain"
Of course there is also a culinary by product to almost justify all this madness - left to simmer with some peppers, onion, garlic and stock, pumpkin flesh makes for an incredible soup.




Update: Subsequent efforts include:

2010: Doctor Who

2012: Gus Fring from Breaking Bad

2013: Peppa Pig

2014: Disney fairy

2015: Ghostbusters



Wednesday, 13 October 2010

Volcano sacks publicist

Once the darling of the media world and the focus of world attention, Iceland's Eyjafjallajokull volcano (rapper name: "E15") erupted during April and May of 2010 and caused disruption to thousands of flights across the world. Since calming down, media attention has turned to other hot topics such as the General Election, the World Cup, the Chile mining disaster and Whitley Bay retaining the FA Vase. As a result E15 has somewhat disappeared from the public eye and has subsequently fired its publicist, Dax Bifford.

Eyjafjallajokull at the height of fame
"It was only meant to last for a week but I enjoyed the attention so much I just kept going. I loved the fame, I became a monster and wanted to go on forever. In the end, I was worn out so I had to pack it in", explained E15 from its home in Southern Iceland. E15 went on to explain, "Mr Bifford told me that 'today's news is tomorrow's whale & chips wrapper'. I felt a bit fobbed off but I realised he was right and I've decided to let him go."

E15's voice subsided, "I apologise for all the disruption I've caused and I now realise my 15 minutes of fame are up. I am happy I'll always be remembered but I know now that I need to allow my crater walls to go cold and leave the headlines free for more important things."

Resigned to a quieter life, E15 has since been recouperating; taking in a spot of fishing, bird watching and firing out large plumes of hot water vapour from time to time. Some slight seismic activity had been observed during early June but E15 just "had a bit of a cough" and posed no threat to the World Cup build up.

Sunday, 10 October 2010

North Shields 2 Birtley Town 2

Northern League Division 2
9th October 2010
Ralph Gardner Park, North Shields

Attendance: 124

My second visit to North Shields happily coincided with my second Birtley Town game so it was somewhat fitting that the final score ended up at 2-2. With numerologists frothing over the date turning 10/10/10, I decide to celebrate John Lennon's 70th birthday by taking in a mouth-watering Northern League division 2 clash. I arrive in NE29 to grey but relatively mild weather conditions, and two goalkeepers warming up together on the pitch.

Shields go one up
The crowd, partisan but friendly, give the teams a warm welcome as they enter the field, both sides wearing their native colours; Shields in all red and the visitors in green and white hoops. Liverpool v Celtic, if you will. The first half is an energetic but scrappy affair and few chances are carved out until midway through the half when the visitors have a goal ruled out for a foul on the goalkeeper. On 40 minutes and with our half time Bovril approaching, Shields open the scoring with a fine header. Birtley kick off, quickly regroup and level matters on the stroke of half time after some hesitant Shields defending.

Shields make it 2-2 from the spot
With some folk still negotiating half time refreshments, Birtley take a surprise 2-1 lead and begin to assert some authority on the game. The game beginning to run away, the home bench barks instruction and Shields throw everything forward. Shields press but lack the finishing touch, Birtley meanwhile soak up the onslaught, always looking dangerous on the counter. The referee, whilst finicky, aloof and a bit 'corned beef', shows good judgement to award the home side a late penalty following a hand ball. 2-2. Probably fair.

Thursday, 7 October 2010

Blog on the pies - Manchester City 2 Newcastle United 1

Barclays Premier League
3rd October 2010
City of Manchester Stadium, Manchester


Attendance: 46,067

Last Sunday saw the missus and I taking in the clash between Manchester City and Newcastle United at the City of Manchester stadium. This rare Premiership away day also afforded the opportunity to pay a visit to my brother @dookjam who, to a large extent, inspired this blog entry. Having become more accustomed to the Northern League scene of late, paying more than £5 to get in was a trip down a gloomy but still vaguely familiar memory lane. But, this is the Premier League, you get what you pay for and the CoM is a fine venue.

Bell end
Leaving behind its former guise as a generic sports arena, the CoM has been well and truly "Cityfied". Being something of a traditionalist when it comes to football, it feels strange that this is City's home. Approaching the stadium, I don't feel anxious and I'm 95% certain the car's safe where it's parked. A far cry from the days of visiting Maine Road - Moss Side and all that - we walk confidently past the main entrance to the away enclosure, past the Colin Bell end (ahem) and towards two foamy-mouthed police horses situated outside our turnstiles.

Canny view

The monsoon we woke up to relents as we approach kick off although the impressive sculpted downpipe at the south end of the stadium continues to channel a torrent of rainwater from the roof to the drain. Once inside, we approach the top of the stairs to the away section and drink in the view. The pitch is a lush green and the bowl of home fans before us gives the impression that somehow we're surrounded.

Four minutes in: 'the Ben Arfa tackle'. Difficult to see from where we are but someone's receiving treatment and it's one of ours. Replays on the two corner mounted video screens are not forthcoming and as the minutes pass, it's clear it's a serious one. Routledge comes on and as the half develops, City look dangerous on the break but we're more than holding our own. Game changing moment #1: Tevez, seemingly brought down by Williamson, picks himself up to blast home a penalty. Newcastle react quickly and persistence from Gutierrez finds himself in front of goal with the ball at a perfect height. 1-1 and mayhem in the away end. Rival fans make each other's acquaintance and the atmosphere in the away end in buoyant. Banter, gesticulating, posturing but not really bad natured - this was just heavy petting and idle taunts over lack of vocal home support, empty seats, that sort of thing.

Balti pie
Half time comes and the main event - we take the opportunity to check out the local pie situation. We test the balti pie: tasty filling but tough crust and far too expensive at £3.50. (two out of five stars). We're driving straight home after the game so we pass on the beer.

Second half begins and Newcastle continue to look good for a draw. The excellent Cheick Tiote bosses the midfield and fortunately Milner's somewhat off the boil today. Adam Johnson enters the fray and his first act is to weave into the box and fire a sweet left foot strike into the far corner. City in the lead, clock ticking. Campbell & Carroll come on but hope of a point is running away. Game changing moment #2: Ameobi is swept to the floor in the box, but there's no penalty decision this time.

As we filter out of the ground, belated texts filter through to my phone revealing the extent of Ben Arfa's injuries. A tale of two penalties and a promising young talent with a broken leg.